Art and Depression 2

One of the greatest blessings of the Internet is the opportunity to connect with like-minded (and opposite-minded) people about our lives. When I opened my email yesterday and had so many responses to my post about depression, I felt so encouraged and more than that I felt connected to other artists who experience the same struggle confirming my strong belief in community. Knowing that across the world there are others in the game too, helps me immensely. Each one of you that commented offered priceless insight and I am so very grateful.

I had a scare with my beloved dog since returning from West Virginia which compounded the darkness for a short time, but he is cleared and well and, slowly, I feel the veil beginning to lift.
I am certain that we cannot empathize with those who have suffered without suffering and we cannot appreciate the mountain without the valley.


Having said all this:
Leslie, I am learning to embrace that gift of sadness, to sit with it and be OK knowing that God still has me. Your words mean so much... and yes, it makes complete sense.

Dean, you have been beautifully transparent with your own struggles since I have known you. I know we are comrades in this. I have often read your blog and said to myself "I know how he feels! I get that!" I have had a lot fo fantastic counseling, working through my family of origin issues, and for a time was on medication and both were a Godsend. I now experience this thing for much shorter periods and much less intensely, so I can tell you, as someone older, that it gets better when we get help.

Deb, thank you for the great insight. Like I said to Dean above, medication helped a lot as well as counseling... I agree and hear you that this is part of being an artist for many.

Peter, I so respect your work and willingness to put your hand up. I need the reminder that dark days do come to an end.

Cat, ahhh! Yes! And it has become more like a job with all three shows coming and carrying this weight to produce enough. I might have wondered over the last several months if this is really what I want. Thank you for that insight....

Sila, I don't even know how to respond to your beautiful comment. Yes, indeed, Christ knows exactly all about it and He allows it for His purpose and you know what? Against all human understanding, it is in these times that my faith is stengthened.

Janie, you and I have had many face to face (and long distance) talks about this. You remind me to give myself permission to fill the tank......to live a create life, and to look at my own "unspoken commandments" of being an artist, many of which are distorted. And to revisit and reassess those expectations.....

Have a fantastic weekend, all. Aiming to be back in the saddle Monday.

Thoughtful Thursday

Over a period of a few years, the figure has disappeared from my painting. I have thought a lot about this over the months wondering why animals have become the centerpiece of my life's work. In my artist statement, I speak of a love affair with animals from an early age:

"As a child, my three-ring binder full of drawings of horses was a prized possession. In my mind, horses have a mystical, almost phantom-like quality that I became drawn to from an early age. I became transfixed just seeing one in an open field. Today, I recognize this mark in all animals as the fingerprint of the infinite imagination of the Creator. There is a kind of communion that takes place between me and God when painting or in the presence of animals."

Even reading it now, there is a sense of incompleteness to those words, something deeper that I cannot seem to excavate. I suppose it is a journey of sorts and as I find out more about myself, which I believe is expressed in choice of subject, I then understand the connection increasingly. It is very much like peeling an onion. The intimacy with which I feel connected to the work can be very overwhelming. Why? Such mysteries of the human soul.......

I had a hard time getting to sleep last night after seeing a film short about the fate of racehorses once their careers are over, and I feel rather heavy-hearted and introspective today. I see inconsistencies in myself and asking some very hard questions has been a long time coming. Information is power, but it is also often quite painful.

With Dunny