On the easel....

Yesterday, I started having a new flare up of shoulder pain. I sort of have been pushing through it, but now feel pretty sore, so I could only paint a few hours today.
I am really intrigued by where this is going. Her little face just speaks volumes to me.....I put in a few of her "thoughts" floating up.....

Painting

I made a lot of progress on the "Landlord" painting today, but it is really cloudy out and the end of the day, so I can't shoot an image. It should be completed tomorrow. I made the body an enormous birds nest...
Also working on the tamarin painting as well...
I will get images up tomorrow.

I have a buyer for "Ovis Nectarus," the llama painting. So many people have asked about this painting and so many have had a strong response to it. So, she has a new home in January after her commitments to exhibit close. '

I must say I have really mixed feelings about selling it. All of the major works I have sold have been to local buyers, but this one goes out of state, so it is highly unlikely I will ever see this painting again. But, the buyer is committed and in feel really connected to the work, so I know it goes to a great home. It is a strange thing. The paintings are part of me....I feel like I am losing a piece of myself.

On the Easel: The Landlord (wt)

Off to sketch some ideas for this one.

Sketch...

When I was at the Atlanta College of Art, we had to show our sketch books at every prof/student meeting to show how we arrived at a finished work. I ALWAYS did the sketches after the finished piece. I don't sketch to this day. Well, today I rediscovered how very much I love to work in pencil.
I have had this painting on my mind for sometime....I suppose mine are more like drawing than sketches, but you all know how my style isn't exactly "loose." Lots of notes too...the little "bubbles" are her good and bad thoughts. Craig said "Oh, is she having bad thoughts about being run over by a car?"....very funny.

On the easel: The Unikoi

I have spent most of the week on this and still have more to do......it is quite tedious. Water and fish now top my list of most challenging things to render in paint.

I was walking Reuben today and listening to Shearwater, an endless source of imagery for me, and I had a vision for the ongoing "baboon" painting. Yes, that baboon painting hangs in my house and is STILL unfinished. I will have another go at it today after a haircut. I am beginning to look like Billy Idol.

Richard J. Bailey: "In the Museum" book

My friend Richard J. Bailey has put together a book called "In the Museum." Richard is a creative genius with a magical ability to concoct images into a perfectly balanced expression of wit, atmosphere and form.

Manet

The National Gallery of Art has a really cool feature about Edouard Manet's two paintings, "The Dead Toreador" and "The Bullfight", and the story of how they were at one time one painting:

Fragments of a Lost Salon Painting Reunited , then click "start tour."

On the Easel: (wt) The Landlord

Often, I wake up in the morning with a sense of unease at approaching the easel. Some of it comes from perfectionist tendencies (and therefore, unrealistic expectations) but I wonder about sitting with that feeling......reframing it. Since I believe the gift I have been given is not to be handled lightly, there is a rightful sense of trepidation when I approach painting. If I can exchange the unhealthy one for the good and right one, I think I do well. This is tricky, because I don't mean at all that I should take my work "seriously." This is a quick way to kill creativity, and after all, it is only a painting. But the privilege of having the opportunity to paint daily, to hone the gift is serious. Maybe I can remember that tomorrow morning.

On the Easel

Usually, in my paintings you won't see any ground. I prefer the sense of ambiguity that is created without placement and the largeness and heaviness of feel the use of sky alone alludes to. I am unsure about the "ground" but it works. I just have to figure out the imaginary lighting. I like the weird feel of the sky. What seems funny to me now is that the tamarin does not look like a real animal. He looks like something out of children's illustration. Yet, the reference photo I am using looks like this. Overall, it is evolving into something special. My light is gone, so time to step away from it.

Bad coffee and Temperament

We lost our internet connection last Friday, so I currently sit in Panera with a weak cup of coffee catching up on emails. A tech is supposed to come out and make it right Tuesday.

I took the Keirsey temperament test this weekend. I take it about once a year when I feel like I need to have someone confirm that it is OK to be me. I go through periods of feeling like I am so, so unlike most of the folks around me (I realize this is common in artists.) Sometimes, I feel alright with that and sometimes I don't. At the moment, I feel I have been trying to squeeze myself into a way of being that goes against my natural grain. I have a very structured, focused mother who is logical and a fairly black and white thinker. My father, who I did not grow up with, is very much an artistic temperament untapped. All of these qualities are good, but I think being like them both by gene, yet being raised by my mom, I often feel I have to work hard for that right brain way of being. Had I been raised with them both, I probably would have a more balanced access to it all....like it is ok to BE an artist.
Even so, though I am an INFJ/P (J and P are always equal scores), I almost always come out fairly equally left and right brained on these tests...which if you think about it, may cause insanity in some folks. Hopefully, not in my case....although it can fee that way.

There is a side of me that kicks against structure, yet wants things to be structured, a part of me that hates schedules, yet feels the need to schedule......that sees things linearly, yet can see things from all angles....yep, so you see my dilemma.

My weak coffee is cold and I should pack up and go home to paint. Or maybe I can analyze this idea a little more.....

New Painting

What is this beautiful thing that came out of my mind?? Finally complete.....I can't keep my eyes off of it....

A little better.....

This song has helped me so much in the last week with the depression I have been walking through. So much about what Cee-Lo conveys in the song I can relate to, and, each day, I do feel a little better. I hope it encourages you, as well.

Gnarls Barkley "A Little Better"

"Now I can sing you the storyline
And if you like my story fine
But ain't none of the glory mine
See my life was a lonely one
And I was still momma's only son
With no idea what I'm gon' become
And I didn't have long to know
That you don't have to be grown to go
I could have died so long before
Then I finally saw the sign
And I made it on down the line
One step at a time

I feel better!
I can smile at it now, I feel better
Ohhhh, better!
And even a little is still better
Oh, have mercy on me

Ohhh it's probably plain to see
That I got a whole lot of pain in me
And it will always remain in me
So cold, it's a cryin shame
Yet here I am, tryin again
Cause I refuse to die in vain
The circumstances put soul in me
And there ain't no holdin' me
I've got a heart made of gold in me
Hah, can you believe this is where I've been?
And when adversity comes again
I'll deal with it then

[Chorus]
I feel better!
I can laugh at it now, I feel better,
Ohhhh, better!
And even a little is still better
Oh, have mercy on me

I said everything's fine, you can take your time
What would be on your mind, if you knew you was dyin
I would wanna just feel this one more time
I said everything's fine, take your time
What would be on your mind, if you knew you was dyin'
I would wanna just feel this one more time
I wanna thank you morning sun
I wanna thank you lowly dirt
Now I know I'm not the only one
I, I wanna thank you friendly ghost
When all the calls were close
It seems like you cared the most
I, I wanna thank you Mom and Dad
For hurtin me so bad
But you're the best I ever had
I, I wanna thank you.."

Art and Depression 2

One of the greatest blessings of the Internet is the opportunity to connect with like-minded (and opposite-minded) people about our lives. When I opened my email yesterday and had so many responses to my post about depression, I felt so encouraged and more than that I felt connected to other artists who experience the same struggle confirming my strong belief in community. Knowing that across the world there are others in the game too, helps me immensely. Each one of you that commented offered priceless insight and I am so very grateful.

I had a scare with my beloved dog since returning from West Virginia which compounded the darkness for a short time, but he is cleared and well and, slowly, I feel the veil beginning to lift.
I am certain that we cannot empathize with those who have suffered without suffering and we cannot appreciate the mountain without the valley.


Having said all this:
Leslie, I am learning to embrace that gift of sadness, to sit with it and be OK knowing that God still has me. Your words mean so much... and yes, it makes complete sense.

Dean, you have been beautifully transparent with your own struggles since I have known you. I know we are comrades in this. I have often read your blog and said to myself "I know how he feels! I get that!" I have had a lot fo fantastic counseling, working through my family of origin issues, and for a time was on medication and both were a Godsend. I now experience this thing for much shorter periods and much less intensely, so I can tell you, as someone older, that it gets better when we get help.

Deb, thank you for the great insight. Like I said to Dean above, medication helped a lot as well as counseling... I agree and hear you that this is part of being an artist for many.

Peter, I so respect your work and willingness to put your hand up. I need the reminder that dark days do come to an end.

Cat, ahhh! Yes! And it has become more like a job with all three shows coming and carrying this weight to produce enough. I might have wondered over the last several months if this is really what I want. Thank you for that insight....

Sila, I don't even know how to respond to your beautiful comment. Yes, indeed, Christ knows exactly all about it and He allows it for His purpose and you know what? Against all human understanding, it is in these times that my faith is stengthened.

Janie, you and I have had many face to face (and long distance) talks about this. You remind me to give myself permission to fill the tank......to live a create life, and to look at my own "unspoken commandments" of being an artist, many of which are distorted. And to revisit and reassess those expectations.....

Have a fantastic weekend, all. Aiming to be back in the saddle Monday.

West Virginia Trip.....

Wow, so the question is how to get back to work after four days in the West VA wilderness?? I am tired and sore today. I think Reuben has not moved since last night.

I do feel refreshed after immersing myself in river water and breathing in sweet mountain air. There is something about the fragrance of damp earth and all sorts of bushes and blooms mingled with some faint wild animal scent that makes me so full and contented. I have always sensed the presence of God in His creation and in quiet a place like we were, it is almost emotionally overwhelming.


You can see the photos here.




Reuben outside the Purple Fiddle in Thomas, WV making sure the hippies obey the sign...

I want to catch up with you all, so off I go to your respective blogs... looking forward to seeing what has been going with each of you......

West Virginia

Craig and I go to the beautiful Canaan Valley in West Virginia each year on our anniversary and we head out today to celebrate our 10Th. We have very generous friends who have a ski home there, which is what most people go there for, so it is fairly empty when we go in August. I woke up with a horrible sore throat yesterday, so hopefully I will be ready for a hike tomorrow.
I am so thrilled to be able to get back deep into the woods.

from our 2007 trip...Otter Creek Wilderness in the Monongahela Forest

I leave you all with this article one of four from Alyson Stanfield's brilliant blog:

The first of four steps to selling you art: Devote yourself completely to a studio practice

Talk to you all next week!

Art?

Why is it that often I read an artist statement and come away from it feeling like "what??" Why is that when I look at contemporary art and mostly feel I just have been exposed to an expression that exists solely for the purpose of uncovering self-mania, obsession, and often, perversion? (I am in no way speaking about art that addresses hard issues.)
Anyone but me? Can anyone explain?
Can anyone be an artist? Is art really in the eye of the beholder? What makes a piece of art last over generations?
I realize this is as old a question as "what in art...."

Artist Kathleen Kendall

In February I have a show with artist, Kathleen Kendall, who also works with mythology. Today, I went over to her place and spent a few hours over coffee in her studio talking about all things art and life. I really enjoy getting together with her and feel a real affinity for her and the work she does. (oh, plus, she gets cool points for sending me home with a bag of veggies from her garden.....)



c Kathleen Kendall "Figure X"

On the Easel

Why is it that after a vacation I need a vacation day to recuperate? Laundry, cleaning....stuff.
This is how I left the painting on Thursday. I really feel good about it....I have a small goldfinch painting that needs finishing touches, as well. These two will be the first priority of the week.

On the Easel: Egret painting......

I spent most of the afternoon touching up the egret and painting our hero, the blue hummingbird....Tuesday, I will finish her and begin placing the "seeds of doubt" where they need to be. What is all this? In short, she tells the egret the key to overcoming the seeds of doubt....

Food as Art

After a rather depressing week wrestling with back issues, I did manage a few hours of painting Monday. Today I went for an eye exam and had my eyes dilated, so no painting today. I don't believe in accidents and I am considering, as I lay on an ice pack, what God is communicating to me with such an obstacle at such a busy time in my art life. This strange slowing down of everything.....Amazing how tied together body, mind and spirit are for me. If I struggle in one area, I do in all.

SO....my art today is my dinner. Marinated grilled veggies from the local farmer's market and wild caught salmon with teriyaki pan sauce. Buy local; support local farming, people.



..hope to catch up with all my art family's blogs soon....look forward to seeing what you each have been creating.

My Artomatic guest book has quickly become a prized possession. Here is a limerick from it for "Ovis Nectarus" from an anonymous observer:

"The one L lama is a priest,
the two L llama is a beast,
And I'll bet my silk pajama
You'll never see a three L lllama."

Oh and above that someone wrote:

"The butterflies are killing the llama!!!"